May 29

I’m on vacation right now. That’s why I haven’t posted lately. I had a lot of stuff going on at my house including a child graduating and getting ready for vacation. Now I’m on vacation with my mostly-adult children.

BlackEyesI had a nightmare last night.

In this dream I was still married to my ex-husband. While he never physically hit me during our marriage, he regularly destroyed me with his words, his actions, his attitudes. In this particular nightmare he DID hit me. I had bruises and flowing blood. Once again, I was afraid of him. It was horrible.

I think the only reason my ex-h never really hit me was because I made it clear very early in our relationship that hitting was completely off the table. If he ever hit me the relationship was over.

If only I had known a way to make him stop hurting me emotionally. Instead it took me many years to step out of denial and gather the courage to end my marriage.

In my nightmare I called the police and was working toward getting a restraining order. I took pictures of the injuries. I did the right things. I guess that’s progress.

Are you in a destruction relationship? Here are some helpful websites.

The Violence Wheel

Characteristics of a Misogynist

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship and live in the US, call here:

Men: 1-888-7HELPLINE                Women: 1-800-799-SAFE

And, yes, men can be in an abusive relationship, too.

Elizabeth Siggy

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  1. Elizabeth, we were just talking about that last week – former husbands who were abusive. We’ve been there too! It’s hard to look at the women we are today and believe we would even be in or stay in a relationship like that for so long. I’d like to highlight one of your points…not all abuse results with bruises and blood flowing….The verbal and emotional abuse sometimes leaves just as many scars, but they are all on the inside. A great and timely post!

  2. Oh, Elizabeth. It does take us time to catch on , that the “punches” thrown by nasty words, tone, and body language, are just as hurtful, soul-bruising and soul-scarring, as those thrown by a fist.

    And last longer.

    Hugs and healing to you.

  3. It’s so easy to talk yourself into believing “it’s not that bad” when the abuse is felt but not seen.

    I’m glad you can see it and believe it now.

  4. What an important subject. I’m sorry you had a nightmare about abuse but glad to know you were strong enough to set boundaries. We need to teach our young women to be that strong.

  5. sometimes it is the emotional injuries that take longer to heal than the physical ones. So painful to hear when a fellow sister in hurting. Women need to be there for each other!! Hug!

  6. Pat /

    When the emotional abuse is passive aggressive understanding it becomes almost impossible. How could this seeming nice guy cause me so much pain? It is just my imagination? Why did I put up with all the hurt for 40 years? Why did I bail out? Two years has taken some of the edge off but the confusion remains. Some times I wish the abuse had been more concrete so at least I would know why I chose the pain of divorce.

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