I don’t want your husband. Really.

Sep 10

I don't want your husband. Really.

I don’t want your husband. Really.

So there’s this divorced woman at my church, and…

And, what?

You’re worried she’s after your husband?

I have some good news for all of you ladies out there who are concerned about the divorcees at your church. We don’t want your husbands. Really.

If a divorced woman is going to your church, she’s probably there to worship God and provide spiritual training for her children. She may be looking for supportive friends. She may even be there looking for a nice, single man.

But she’s definitely not there to hit on your husband.

Married men are everywhere, not just in church. If I wanted to chase after a married man, I certainly wouldn’t do it in a setting where his wife and children would be around.

That divorcee in your church? Maybe, just maybe, she knows what it’s like to have a husband who is unfaithful. Having BTDT, most of us would never do that to another woman. And we would never, ever do anything to hurt other children the way our children have been hurt.

That divorced woman at your church? She doesn’t want your man. She may want a man to call her own, but she doesn’t want yours.

And now I have some bad news. If you’re worried about somebody from church being attracted to your husband, you need to worry about your married friend whose husband is mean or distant.

That woman is lonely and vulnerable. She thinks she’s “safe” because she’s married. She thinks your husband is safe because he’s married and she’d never do anything to hurt your friendship or to damage either marriage. And then one day, you look around and your lonely, vulnerable friend is laughing at your husband’s jokes. She’s asking him for help and advice since her husband can’t or won’t be there for her. And then you notice that your husband is smiling at her like she’s the cutest thing he’s seen all week. Their eyes meet just a little too often.

My friend, that’s the time to worry.

Elizabeth Siggy

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  1. My mother went through this in 1965, it’s astounding how small-minded people can still be. This was right on the money, Elizabeth, perfectly said.

  2. Wow, this is sad. I feel for any single woman, divorced or otherwise, who’s been at the receiving end of this distrust.

    • Elizabeth Lee /

      It’s pretty common. Just ask any church-going divorcee. If you can find one.

  3. I wish it weren’t so, but man, who needs soap operas when you go to church? It’s drama central. 😀

  4. Holy crap! That’s why I don’t go to church. Well that, and the hypocrisy of some of the parishioners and the religion itself. But still…

    Seriously though, I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that kind of treatment. It’s awful and what you’ve said here makes excellent sense.

    • Elizabeth Lee /

      It’s pervasive. Where I live, it’s hard to be a single, attractive woman in many churches. They love the older widows, but middle-aged and single is scary.

  5. That lack of trust is so sad, and such a comment on the society we live in. And even sadder when that pressure is felt in a place of worship!

  6. They never suspect the married ones…You make a great point here, I’m glad you called this out and I hope you call people out in person too when they are treating you like a potential husband stealer!

    • Elizabeth Lee /

      Oh, they never say or do anything overtly. They just slowly back away from the friendship. If you decided to try a new church, you’re encouraged to be involved in women-only groups or the singles group.

  7. A cautionary tale indeed.

  8. I was getting angry right with you. And I’m married. You hit the nail on the head with who a wife should be watching!

    • Elizabeth Lee /

      I’ve been the church-going woman in a really bad marriage. I finally hit a point where I would hardly talk to other men because I knew I would be tempted to do something wrong.

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