Recovering From Midlife Divorce – Step 6

May 31

This is part of a series.

HeadshotSeriousCornersBlueBorderWhen recovering from your midlife divorce there comes a time when the legal mess is over and life begins to settle down again. You’ve moved to a new home or your former spouse has moved out of the family home and new routines have begun. You are past the initial stages of grief, and you look around and start to ask yourself, “What’s next?”

Now the fun begins.


In some ways it’s just like going through adolescence without all the acne and angst. You have the opportunity again to ask yourself the big questions ⎯ Who am I? What do I want out of life?

In my marriage, I felt locked into being the person my former spouse needed. Life was very uncomfortable if I did not meet his expectations.

At the time of the divorce two of my children were still minors. My most important job as a parent was to get them settled and comfortable in their new school and to make sure they had adequate counseling to deal with the losses and changes they experienced.

But once the children were on the road to their own personal recoveries, I knew that the best thing I could do for them was to be an example of how to move forward through all these changes.

So I started asking myself the big questions. And I looked for ways to find fulfillment. For me, recovery looked a lot like creativity. I took a photography class, painted a picture, and started writing. I’d always had the acting bug, so I impulsively auditioned for a play. I got a tiny part in that one, so I auditioned for another and got a larger role.

Through these experiences I met new people and learned and did new things. I’m still trying out new things on  my quest to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. Life is good.

If you are trying to figure out what’s next after your midlife divorce, I urge you to re-think everything. Ask yourself again who you are and what you want out of life. You no longer have to be the person your ex-spouse expected. It’s time to figure out who you are, and learn to be your best self.

Elizabeth Siggy

Be Yourself


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